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About a week ago, I first wrote this post. I knew I was going to be at the Allume Conference, so like the efficient girl I am, I wrote this post ahead of time so I could schedule it out and not worry about it. I had my goals and a checklist and all the things I wanted to accomplish in November and a list of all the things I did in October.
I just now deleted it.
I couldn’t this month. I just couldn’t.
This conference messed me up. In true and holy ways, but right now I am not in the place where goal-setting and making plans and having checklists is healthy for me.
Shauna Niequist spoke, and her message cut deep. Some of the other speakers talked about disappointment with God or learning to trust in the Lord or how to extend hospitality to the world. All wonderful, life-giving talks, but Shauna’s talk was the one that got me.
She talked about how she had set up her life to be so efficient and productive that she had lost her whimsy. Her warmth. Her ability to sit for hours over coffee with a friend and not worry about her to-do list. She had basically become a soldier. An administrator of her life.
I am headed down that road. I could see it so clearly and it made my chest tighten and the room close in. But she also offered so much hope. She turned it around. She is making her life a life of hospitality. Of people first, work second. Of bread and wine, of sharing a meal, of tables and space to listen and breathe.
So in November and December, no goals. No lists. I am going to let it be and see what happens. Have a heart of invitation. Make room for friends. Invite people to my table. Invest. Listen. Be.
Want to join me at the table?