I had a little breakdown the other night.
I’m not even halfway done with my surgery recovery. The idea of sitting here on the couch for another three weeks is disheartening. I realize that so many people are much worse off than me, but this is my reality now and I’m finding it’s more difficult than I expected.
I’m not bored; there’s plenty to do here on the sofa. But I’m restless. I can’t focus. I constantly feel lazy and unproductive. Sitting here all day drains my energy. I’m surrounded by remotes, medicine, blankets instead of sunshine and sewing.
And I seriously want to punch everyone on House Hunters who dramatically says, “I cannot live with carpet.” Shut up.
Ryan was cleaning the house last night. Dishes, floors, laundry — he did it all. He’s outside mowing the lawn right now. And instead of being able to see that I married an incredible man with a servant’s heart, I feel guilty because I’m not pulling my weight.
I knew it would be hard, but it’s different when it was theoretical. Being here now is tough. It’s exhausting.
Rachael is doing a series on her blog about being yourself and caring for yourself and encouraging yourself. Yesterday, she gave the prompt “I am…”
So today, I am healing.
I have to know that I’m not being lazy. That it’s not worth it to push it and not heal properly. If I want to spend my life wandering this earth, exploring far off places, staying healthy, and growing our family, I must heal.
Spending all day on the couch is where I’m supposed to be right now. I’m doing the accompanying Bible study for Ann Voskamp’s One Thousand Gifts. Here are a few things I’m thankful for in the midst of my recovery.
fresh lemons off our tree
visits from friends
french press coffee
So how do you finish the prompt, “I am…” today?
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