OK folks. Your friendly neighborhood Cori turned THIRTY last week. And how best to celebrate? Old People!
That’s right! I had an Old People Party. 40 of my friends donned their high-waisted pants, orthopedic shoes, muumuus, and bifocals — this hootenany rocked my knee-highs off!
I am one good-lookin’ old broad. Actually, I think I look a bit like the SNL Church Lady. Could it be…SATAN?
We are HARD CORE: Extreme Wheelchair Races! The prize was the “That’s How I Roll” Award. Brittney (“My azaleas are doing just lovely!”) and Robert (“The trailer is a double-wide!”) show us how it’s done.
Steve Betz (YES! THIS STEVE!!!) and his Beloved had a rousing good time too. They flew up from San Diego just for the occasion, AND they provided libations (which made the wheelchair races all the more fun) AND they helped stock my bar. Now there’s some real stuff alongside my Kahlua and Peach Schnapps. I am a real woman now! Steve and the Beloved also discovered that I am a Church Floozy. It is true. I had friends from five churches represented at the party. If you’re going to be a floozy, might as well be a floozy for Jesus, eh?
My friends Sarah and Stephanie brought down the house with their costumes — not to mention they didn’t break character for the entire party! Stephanie (the pusher) had a handbag full of hard candies and a box for leftovers, and she fell asleep at one point reading Reader’s Digest. Sarah (the rider) had Kleenex up her sleeve and yelled everything anyone said loudly into Stephanie’s ear. Oh, and they gave me a Guy Lombardo RECORD (“it’s his new one!”) and a cup that said “Grandma, you’re the best!”
There were a lot of close calls. Pete and my brother, Chris, barely beat me and the boyfriend — I blame it on the wheelchair! Also, we did not get the wheely technique down. In the end Chris and Pete took home the title of “Really Freakin’ Fast Old People in the Extreme Wheelchair Races!”
I also set up a photo booth so people could do their family portraits. Here are some of my faves:
Hey! Check that out. A real picture of me and the boyfriend and the pup (circa 40 years from now). Yes, he actually exists! Look at that sexy sailboat sweater. Rawr. Also, I might keep those orthopedic shoes for daily wear.
Cathy and Clark are rocking the handmade sweater and socks-with-sandals. Clark talked about how in his day, he had to walk to school eight miles, up hill, both ways, in the snow. Cathy had every pill imaginable in her purse. Including the little blue ones…
WOO!! — the Miami Beach Bingo Queens (Siobhan and Kellie) were absolutely radioactive with their swishy windbreakers, bright white Keds, sparkly visors, and Chuck-Woolery-esque tans. These girls also made me a delicious cake and were kind enough not to put thirty candles on it.
Amy brought her be-vested new BF. They rocked the wheelchair races and won dinner money at bingo. She also lay on the floor for a bit. Because that’s what she does.
A bunch of friends from my house church (one of the five churches) came and helped me celebrate. Jayne (in black) and Mark (in cowboy) came straight from a wedding — it was so nice of them to drop in! Amelia (who is my massage therapist and makes me feel like buttah) had a crazy purple dress and ginormous hat and Anne (who made me banana bread because she is awesome) rocked her own glasses from the 80s. I love these people!
The evenings festivities ended with ten games of bingo, with real prize money (unless you are The Man…then it was Monopoly money…yep…mmm hmmm.). Robert was our caller and every game was so close! I won $45 at my own birthday party! Winning! I swear…I didn’t cheat.
A fantabulous time was had by all and I am SO thankful to everyone who made it such a hollerin’ good time. In particular, my mom and dad, Aunt Bonnie, Anna, Steve, Susan, and Amy were super-extra-amazing-ness-a-mundo-times-ten! The Old Folks Home has never rocked this hard!
What will we do when I’m 40?
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